Solitaire

2006-12-14T16:37:00.000+08:00

Strangled at its infancy
Denied its very existence
The umbilical cord ripped away
Severing the connection that held
The very two together.

2006-12-14T16:24:00.000+08:00

so what do you mean?

2006-11-19T01:23:00.000+08:00

And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than you'll know

and you're laughing at your own jokes now ;p

2006-11-16T01:34:00.000+08:00

to you

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for...

2006-11-10T02:58:00.000+08:00

this is an update

happy le mah?

you know who you are ;p

2006-11-05T13:16:00.000+08:00

why does it feel like whatever I have said has caused this to happen

why?

yes. I'm talking to you.

2006-10-28T13:02:00.000+08:00

heres an update to make up for the lack of entries

milo dino is the <3

haha

2006-10-25T00:04:00.000+08:00

I don't know what this means

and this is an update for all those that still bother

go figure what I am trying to say.

2006-09-30T19:26:00.000+08:00

so its all Mindy's fault but I'm hooked onto this song

Misunderstand, we're holding hands,
we're at the beach, we're throwing sand.
As the lights just go up all around us,
I can't believe it's over.

Mae
goodbye goodnight

2006-09-28T16:18:00.000+08:00

What happend to us
Why didnt you stop me from turning out this way
And know that I dont hate you
And know that I dont want to fight you
And know that I'll always love you
But right now I just ~~dont~~ can't....

What happend to us
~~I heard that~~ its me we should blame

2006-09-25T22:58:00.000+08:00

~~I'm okay, I really am now~~
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

2006-09-24T23:17:00.000+08:00

My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right

I'm torn

2006-09-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

so I still see your face, but its no longer pretty to me

and I dream about you all the time

2006-09-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

start studying roy.

studybuddyanybody?

2006-08-26T23:41:00.000+08:00

I've been living as a part-time christian for too long now.
Its time I kicked those bad habits of mine and start living as a full-time christian

give me the courage to face my demons

2006-08-21T19:37:00.000+08:00

Can two best friends fighting for the same ideal become sworn rivals and bitter enemies in the process?

2006-08-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

its only august
but it feels like december

Can't wait for this year to end

2006-08-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

Rev. Martin Niemoller once wrote

First they came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up,
because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up,
because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up,
because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one
left to speak up for me.

2006-08-08T22:21:00.000+08:00

Ghandi once said

"to believe in something and not to live it is dishonest"

how true is it in our time that what we have is not always what we want.
what we desire is not always what we do.

2006-08-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

so I'm back

to all those "loyal" readers

are you happy now?

=)

2006-07-25T21:19:00.000+08:00

And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.

2006-07-24T21:55:00.000+08:00

they don't reply.

2006-07-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

I like walking in the rain,
because then, no one can see me crying
Jon

maybe its true

2006-07-23T23:57:00.000+08:00

I don't see that smile from your face anymore.

2006-07-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

my closest friends are the furthest away from me

2006-07-02T02:30:00.000+08:00

see the world,
through the eyes
of a fish

2006-06-30T23:37:00.000+08:00

Aldous Huxley wrote in Brave New World

One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer(in a milder but symbolic form) the punishment that we should like, but unable, to inflict upon our enemies.

Do we as friends suffer the consequences of this punishment, or are we inflicters of this pain onto others.
Do we unknowingly suffer the pain of our friend's discord with others, or do we exert revenge onto our friends.

2006-06-18T00:59:00.000+08:00

Walt Disney once said

All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them.

Do we really have the courage in this age to pursue our dreams, dreams true only to us. Dreams not diluted by our parent's desire nor orchestrated by society, but dreams fuelled by our own aspiration and passion. Or has society sapped away that courage from us, leaving us with a mindless body constricted to conformity.

Do we still have the courage to pursue what we want?

2006-06-16T01:06:00.000+08:00

George Bernard Shaw once wrote in Man and Superman

There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.

if both gaining and losing
our hearts desire
begets tragedy
is our lives than
but an episode
of endless insatisfaction

would we than
be doomed
to be living in between
what we want
and what we cannot get?

2006-06-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

Coach Whitey relates Luscas Scott in the 17^th episode of One Tree Hill season 3 something that Keith Scott had told him in the past

Coach, I know you want some anwsers
but what is the right answer
because there is no answer
there is just life
only life

we search all our lives
for the answer to our existence
to the purpose behind our being
all this to justify ourselves
but is there really a right answer
behind what we call life
or is there only being
without purpose
in our lives

2006-06-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

Lucas said in the 17^th episode of One Tree Hill season 3

There are five stages to our grief
denial
anger
guilt
depression
acceptance

when faced with tragedy
we sink into denial
unable to accept the realtiy
that has come upon

than we sink
into the depths of anger
blaming those
who can be blamed
and hating those
who show no pain

following which
we consume ourselves in guilt
over what we did not do
what we were going to do
and what we never got to do
and we blame ourselves

that leads to
the depression of the soul
where everything is
too happy for us
and we're unable
to accept the reality
of it all

we live within
this depressive state
till finally
acceptance overwhelms us
when we finally
can face
the aftermath
of our world
that remains

2006-06-11T19:12:00.000+08:00

Bethany Joy Galeotti sang in the hit song off teen drama One Tree Hill

See me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin

do we sometimes see people
as such a perfect being
that we come to expect
so much more of them
yet they still are
human in the end

and as a result
do we demand
so much more
from them
that when they fail
we look upon them as if
they have committed a great sin

have we placed so much expectation
onto our fellow man
who ultimately are
human.

2006-06-08T16:53:00.000+08:00

In today's Garfield

Have we become so self-obessesed
with the physical being
that we constantly need
to reassure ourselves
that beauty is
but only skin-deep

have we let
the desire for
physical beauty
to take over us
and cloud our judgement
of what truly matters?

have we become blind to the ills beneath the perfection of skin

2006-06-07T16:56:00.000+08:00

In today's Stone Soup

Strange how role reversals occur
as one grows with age
what we do now to our parents
onto us our children will do the same

the words of Evie Stone
tinge with plenty of irony

Isn't this cute, We're reliving a
scene from your teen years
only in reverse

Maybe one day
what we do
to our parents
they will do
back on us

2006-06-06T17:51:00.000+08:00

Matthew Caws wrote in Inside of Love

I know the last page so well
I can't read the first
So I just don't start

Don't we all
experience something like this
like that sense of deja vu
where you know the ending of the story
and you are so terrified by it
that you give up altogether
without even trying at all

so the question is
do we challenge ourselves
with what happens
or do we reflect
on the what ifs

2006-06-04T02:31:00.000+08:00

Pete Townshend of The Who wrote

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man

people always make a big fuse
whenever someone does something wrong
but have they not wondered
if that person
was already reprimanding himself

are we too harsh on others
when they have committed mistakes
and are acknowledging of it

do we blow the issue out of propotion
hence leading to flare ups
with them being hard on themselves
and us compounding the issue

maybe sometime
its better to keep quiet
and let the matter
resolve itself.

2006-06-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

Matthew Caws sang in Nada Surf's hit song Inside of Love

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
Standing at the gates,
I see the beauty above

knowing whats it like
to be inside of love
can we really?
will we ever know
if those we care for
really do love us

can we really see beyond the flesh
into the heart of a person
and know for sure
if we really are
loved

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

2006-05-30T19:10:00.000+08:00

Michelle branch sings in her 3rd single off Hotel Paper

You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and sky so blue
~~We both know that we want it~~
But we both know you left me no choice

So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you.

hearing this song for the umpteenth time made me realise
sometimes you're so taken in someone
and what you want
may not be what the other wants

so what there is left for us
but to move on
and forget that past

but can we really forget
what we were so taken in by
can we truly forget the moments we shared
with that person we truly cared for

can we really?

2006-05-29T23:15:00.000+08:00

Michelle Branch wrote in her hit song Goodbye to you

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears form behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by

sometimes, it seems that for all the things that we believe in,
it is the ones that are closest to our hearts,
that are the ones that hurt us the most.

and it is the same thing that we hold so dear to us
that betray us of our feelings

and there comes a point,
where that thing you held so closely to your heart
becomes so alien
that sometimes you ponder

did I even know you in the first place
and was I ever in your heart.

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

2006-05-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

somebody once told me

When you're down and troubled and you need some loving care
and nothing is going right
close your eyes and think of me, and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest night

cliche as it sounds, sometimes the human soul needs that reassurance that you care.

that physical reassurance, that guarantee that you will be there.

but how many of us do that anymore?

2006-05-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

Neil Postman once wrote

Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us.

so if both hate and love will ruin us all

what than do we do.

what than?

2006-05-22T18:48:00.000+08:00

Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish It does not take offense, and it is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2006-05-18T03:40:00.000+08:00

could anyone have predicted a more dramatic a start

a sending off in the 20th minute for lehmann

and a goal for campbell in the 37th minute

1-0 arsenal

lets sing that tune again

1-0 to arsenal

boring boring arsenal

but who cares if who win the cup

scratch that all

the ball
ssss caressed gently on
the pass collected
ssss the shot
nestled in the goal
ssss flash forward five minture,
the same pass
ssss a moment of despair
as luck deserts
ssss the same shot
nestled in the goal
ssss that fleeting joy
robbed from the other
ssss and so the other
with tired legs
ssss they ran their race
with tired minds
ssss they fought their war
with they souls
ssss they will lay to rest
but only in defeat

and so with
tired eyes,
tried minds
aaaaaaaaa and
tired souls
we slept

2006-05-14T19:15:00.000+08:00

even zombies fear the hamsters

so fear me?

inside joke. =)

2006-05-11T20:50:00.000+08:00

But you're okay with this
Damaging awkwardness
So I'll just play it safe
And keep it inside
~~Cause boys don't cry~~

well, I'm back.

after a really long break.

its been a rather trying month in every aspect. highs and lows, ups and downs.
we've certainly lost the innocence of the first few weeks.

didn't get into council
which is something that I had expected. Just had that ominous feeling that something like that will happen.
ah wells

been addicted to one tree hill all over again.
been taking things really light, trying to get over all the problems that I've been facing.

thanks for the concern

At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, that war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one.

2006-04-10T22:17:00.000+08:00

Hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me?
This broken heart is too weak to hold your weight.
And now I regret the day we met.
And help me forget your name.

I still held on to those memories
and its time I let go.

Just let it all go...

2006-04-09T22:40:00.000+08:00

what are memories but remnants of past
stories old that have already been cast
yet bitter lies therein these tales of age
amidst the happiness of its visage

behind all those happy memories lies bitter tales, of lie, deceit, anger and rage.
yet to forgo those memories would be such a waste, for therein lies tiny moments of bliss, moments that should never be forgot.

2006-04-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

well since clarice is such a naggypok claiming i dun reply to tags i shall prove her wrong. liang im replyin ure tag by updating.

and yes i will keep my promise that this update will be about clarice sim haha. a good fren i made during my 1st three months in cjc. been a great time knowing you despite your constant obession with a certain sji guy and your desperate attempts to get to know him. haha. but nontheless you were a good companion along with mok during the 1st three months. especially after chen pei n christian pangseh us by withdrawing! haha those pigs. well. enjoy yourself in sajc. sadly no hot guys there, all of them in cjc. SEE LA. told u dun go le :p

anyways school's been quite taxing this week. had auditions today and i was a nervous wreck, but overall it went well i suppose so yeah i hope things go well with council as well. lazy to update more. ciao haha

2006-03-28T22:21:00.000+08:00

Well, they say pictures speak a thousand words. so lets hear them chirp ;p

this is liang with short one size too small. sexayyy

this is peter. Looking very much like a monsterous bird

and here is biride. don't see the resemblence? look down

this is the class nerd mindy :P haha okay so she isn't but she sure as hell could have fooled anyone with this pic ;)

our class, or 11 of us that stayed back after pe

the guys doing a neoprint pose from 1 to 10

this picture is kinda normal but it features Nicholas Shane Ian Oen Gomes who is leaving us for SP. have a great time in sp ^^

and here am I with my sexyy ponytail ;)

that just about sums up the two days of the week thus far, watched V for vendetta today and felt abit disappointed considering how good the comic actually was. I felt that some of the essence of the show was lost in the translation from comic book to screen. nontheless it was a good movie.

2006-03-26T18:02:00.000+08:00

one week of the second term has past.
week two lies ahead, with more homework beckoning!
so not lookin forward to that.
and the prospect of PE.
on the side note, next week is the v for vendetta outing and the liang birthday bash.

2006-03-21T21:42:00.000+08:00

released from captivity,
set free, for a moment
in all direction they run.
scampering away from their captors.

a tune fills the air
a familiar tune, it is
a beautiful song,
their national anthem.

they halt their escape
spontanously, they start to sing
slowly, their heads held high,
they sing the anthem with pride.

the enemies follow behind
loading their guns
they slowly take aim
at the prisoners

with disregard to the enemy
they continue to sing.
singing the song
singing their song

One by one,
Like dominos they fall
Slowly to the ground.
Still singing the anthem.

2006-03-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

the crowd has left, the stage is empty
the lights are dim, the music faded

Looking back, I realised how much I miss the stage.

2006-03-18T22:40:00.003+08:00

holidays are drawing to a close so quickly, this one week has been fun all over. been spending money like nobody's business for the first four days. been going out almost everyday too.

monday
went to school for lit lessons and proceeded to town for pooling and movie with my class people. we're really gelling as a class and thats fantastic. I can list everyone's name now. here goes. yiliang|mindy|sandra|jiaxin|jc|peter|christopher|kenny
|keith|samuel|siti|song im|taqiah|elizabeth|charissa
i think thats it yupp. we went to plaza sing to watch date movie which was absolutely hilarious. saw the trailer for scary movie 4 and it got everyone excitied.

tuesday
went back to school to paint class flag. initial plan was to skip econs but they got busted so i spent like 2 hours waiting for them to get out. luckily jiaxin and kenny skipped if not it would have been a very very boring 2 hours. class flag painting was alrght. nothing special in my opinion. was suppose to go pool after that but everyone were not in the mood so I went to play tennis with some friends.

wednesday
went to school for lit in the morning and kept my class company for history lecture. as per normal some of us went to pool later after class ended. spent about 3 hours at the pool hall. was really fun though. went to plaza sing to stone again. ate lunch there and did abit of window shopping. peter and mindy are such impulse buyers! haha
met corina to collect my romp ticket and stoned with her tll around 7. Went to zara and i saw a shirt i wanted to get. but the lack of money detered me =(

thursday
the big day. went iceskating with drama/1t01 people. woke up super early just to reach jurong east early. turned out i was the second to arrive after kassandra and timothy. the rest were late. and i thought i would be the last. iceskating was fun but expensive. $11 for unlimted hours but we used only about 2 hours which in my opinion was a waste of a good $2 since a standard ticket would have suffice. but all wells in the name of fun. ice skating was abit tough to do though, took a long well to be able to skate on my own albeit wobbly and unstable. we went to plaza sing(again!) to play arcade. corina joined us at the arcade. OWNED her in time crisis 2 haha. okay nothing much to gloat about. got owned in daytona thouhg after i blew my lead. haha. stoned around at yamaha and the food court for about an hour before i left for home to get my romp ticket which i had so brilliantly left at home before leaving the house. went home took a shower and felt super tired evern after the supposedly refreshing shower. met up with corina and her friend dominic and yvonne and daniel at plaza sing (again!). took dinner there and went to take neoprints o.0 haven't taken one in awhile. haha. weird stuff happened inside and weird pictures came out. haha. went to zouk at around 8 40. super early for the party but there was already a small group of people outside already. we were probably the first people inside zouk. the interior looked quite cool. the ultra violet light made white stuff stand our ( hahaha! ). the crowd started strolling in around 10. the events were very boring and some of the groups were quite bad. forgetting their dance moves and all. but there were two really good dance groups. finally at 11 the real party started. got dragged down to the dance floor and made to get up onto the platform by yvonne, corina and daniel. super maluated can! haha. and yes i can't dance. i'm quite the klutz when it comes to cool lookin hand and body movement. but it was fun. felt like mass dance encored continously. got abit high and all. but had to leave early because i did'nt have enought money for the midnight surcharge and i didn't want to piss my parents off. that capped off a rather long thursday

friday
this was the boring day. spent the whole day at home watching shinobi heat under blade and hellsing. managed to kill alot of time with these. rather unproductive day though with almost nothing happening. quite anti-climatic considering they many events that happened these holiday.

saturday
went to gerald's house to play tennis with mr sk. woke up at like 8 just to receieve the sms saying to meet at 11 instead. met sk at 11 and managed to get a decent hour of tennis before we headed down to church for a workshop on bgr. left early because i was too tired and needed to rest.

well that concludes the exciting holidays.

2006-03-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

well orientation one officially ended on thurs and it was a blast.

had loads of fun with my ig people. making new friends and having a new class.
haven't taken any picture with my class yet but i'm sure we will soon
so heres some new friends that I've made in 02

2006-03-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

the view from the grandstand on the last day of orientation 1

the sky a hue
of serenity blue
the cloud embodiment
of virgin snow

I never realised how beautiful the scenery the grandstand provided until the last day of orientation 1. Sitting by the grandstand for almost the entire day made me realised how wonderful the view was.

3 march marked the end of orientation 1 and in some cases the parting of friends. orientation 2 looms nearby with promises of new friendships, new bonds and a new adventure.

let us remember the friendships forged in the first chapter of this year, least we forget the many joys that we have encountered

2006-02-28T19:30:00.000+08:00

Well, that day, that day.
What a marvelous mess.
This is all that I can do;
I'm done to be me.
Sad. Scared. Small. Alone. ~~Beautiful.~~
It's supposed to be like this.
I accept everything.
It's supposed to be like this.

how ironice that this post that was not meant to be become reality.

I'm all out of fait, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late, I'm already torn

2006-02-22T19:02:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you can't make it on your own

It feels so surreal that 8 weeks have gone by in a flash. so quicky have the results already been distributed. its a known fact that i'm rather disappointed with myself. i expected much more of myself and i guess i didn't live up to my own expectations. sometimes i wonder why what i am truly capable of. but there is no point dwelling on that note. results are over, posting is all that matters now. the only fear i harbor now is that i'm afraid i may not make it back to cjc. speaking of school, its been quite wrong the past few weeks. things had been quite okay until recently when i realised how lonely i was. its so scary, to sit alone in the mornings watchin couples, trios, and even groups walk by. its so scary to watch people start the day with their friends. while i just sit there and contemplat how the day will turn out. yes there are people that make my day in school, but ultimately they are part of a different group and its jus so weird to be with them all the time. i guess being lonely is what i've been going through for past 4 years. its been scary, very very scary. soemtimes i wonder how i even managed to get through it. was it the grace of god or sheer luck, i do not know. but even as i look back, i know what is happening then is seemingly re-enacting itself. its been such a lonely strife these past years. its ironic, i know many people who would call me their friend. but it feels as if none of them know what is truly me. those that do know me slowly drift away and its scary, losing friends that way. its jus so hard to get along with life when you stop and realise that all your friends are miles away from you, with no way to talk to you.

i'm just scared. i really am. but what is there for me, than to persevere on. lets hope orientation 2 will open me up to a new group of friends. lets just hope.

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

2006-02-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

well this is my first post this year. went on a almsot two month long hiatus due to some stuff yeah. anyways i wonder who is gonna read this anyway. haha

school has been a mixed place to be so far. mornings are by far lonely and boring, but i'm graudually getting used to it. class is alright i guess. though there are some issues in it. i guess i've sorta gotten used to the daily happenings in class. can't wait for orientation two though. where i'll be in a new IG and i can finally change my dreaded combination. but other than that school's been alright. met a few nice people in the past week and i've to say that they made the sucky two weeks into something pleasant. ~~sondra wanted her name mentioned~~ i'll mention their names, sondra, christy, jerome, jasmine, some people from drama cjc and some sjiers whom i've forgotten their names. -opps-
well thats all for this post. i'm still not up to blogging yet but i'll be in a few weeks time. till than.

he covers his eyes

as his friends go hide

he counts to hundred

in slow monotony

his friends all run

in every direction

hiding away

in ever corner

as he completes

the counts of hundred

he seeks those hidden

yet none he finds

than he ponders

where has everyone all gone

2006-02-20T22:26:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own"

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've still got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

2005-12-30T23:23:00.000+08:00

it happens.

again

and again.....

2005-12-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone

wishing you a blessed christmas this year

2005-12-08T02:57:00.000+08:00

can you hear me

crying out.

2005-12-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

Into your arms
I commit again
with all that I am

Church camp has really lifted my waning spirits. I guess I was fatigued by the exams and all that I lost track of my relationship with God. But the camp really changed it by brining me back into it. I guess that I have not really applied what I have learnt and I realise that its high time I did what God has meant for me to do. Beside spiritual enrichment, camp also packed plenty of fun activties. Dragonboating was a realy tiring but fun experience. Plus I got a better tan from that than when I was at sentosa. Oh we played xe zi lu ko on friday and it was really tiring but fun running all over chinatown, eating all the bizzare food. Haha. I really enjoyed camp on the whole.

On a lighter note, graduation night was over and it was fun on the overall but lacked that extra spice I guess. It was kind of mundane to be truthful and the emcee did not really work the crowd that much. Still graduation is graduation and that means its the next phase of my life.

2005-11-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

It hurts when you expect so much from someone. And when that someone does not live up to that expectations of yours, it hurts. Sometimes the same thing is repeated so often that you cannot help but wonder, why do you keep doing the same thing over and over again. And than, there are times where you'd expect people to know you better, but yet they say things behind your back. Sometimes I wonder whats the use. Whats the use of having friends that don't bother telling you the problem. Aren't friends suppose to help you, to make you a better person, to be with you. Whats the point then when all they spread are rumors and lies.

I know for a fact I am not perfect, I broke people's trust, I hurt people's feelings,I do stupid things. But help me change if you are my friend. Because there is no point being friends with someone that wouldn't want to help me become a better person. I allow cannot do it and if you are not willing to help but reather spread half-truths. Than I shall say now, lets not be friends.

2005-11-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

Cuttin' through the darkest night
In my two headlights
I'm trying to keep it clear
But I'm losing it here
To the twilight
There's a dead end to my left
There's a burning bush to my right
You aren't in sight

Am I just standing still in a world that is moving on without me.

2005-11-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

No matter how close you are to a person, the invisible truth is that a friendship is the most fragile thing. All it takes is just one sentence and everything can change. Guess I learnt that lesson.

watch your mouth roy.

2005-11-20T23:04:00.000+08:00

Masquerade

Explain the purpose of this charade
A meaningless dance of endless shades
the guise our flesh dons
beneath lies stories of torn.

Encast in this custome of deception
we dance in the ballet of deceit

Empty Armour

A brilliant shade of silver
radiants my body's armour
it protection impregmiable
no thorns shall pierce this hide

yet hidden beneath the cold exterior
lies an empty interior
there lies the emptiness of a soul
transfixed by the physical bondage

Unlived I am in this world
begotten by the plauges of trouble
forgotten by the vulgar stand of time
lost into enternities crime.

2005-11-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

sometime, we avoid disappointment by not expecting anything more from the person.

yet how can I run away from reality when the truth is such. How can I lessen my disappointment even when I have already given up on my expectations. Why is the pain still apparant. why.

no matter where I run
I cannot hide from it...

2005-11-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Five Ways to Kill a Man -- Edwin Brock

There are many cumbersome ways to kill a man.
You can make him carry a plank of wood
to the top of a hill and nail him to it. To do this
properly you require a crowd of people
wearing sandals, a cock that crows, a cloak
to dissect, a sponge, some vinegar and one
man to hammer the nails home.

Or you can take a length of steel,
shaped and chased in a traditional way,
and attempt to pierce the metal cage he wears.
But for this you need white horses,
English trees, men with bows and arrows,
at least two flags, a prince, and a
castle to hold your banquet in.

Dispensing with nobility, you may, if the wind
allows, blow gas at him. But then you need
a mile of mud sliced through with ditches,
not to mention black boots, bomb craters,
more mud, a plague of rats, a dozen songs
and some round hats made of steel.

In an age of aeroplanes, you may fly
miles above your victim and dispose of him by
pressing one small switch. All you then
require is an ocean to separate you, two
systems of government, a nation's scientists,
several factories, a psychopath and
land that no-one needs for several years.

These are, as I began, cumbersome ways
to kill a man. Simpler, direct, and much more neat
is to see that he is living somewhere in the middle
of the twentieth century, and leave him there.

how scary yet how true.

2005-11-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

it
starts
tommorrow

the
end
draws
nearer
as
the
road
slowly
unwinds.....

goodluck everyone

2005-11-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

the river of lies never ceases
the rain of fears never ends
the wind of anger never subsides
the pain in me forever resides.

I am hurt. I am borken. I am trying to come back. But I am lost. Can you find me?

2005-10-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

Due to constant whining from certain or specifically ONE friend( you know who you are ) , I have decided to blog. Spent the last few days studying qutie abit and having quite a lot of chem "tuition". Thanks to all the people that bothered to help me in chem.

Went ACJC over the weekend with cyn and sk an timonthy. really made my jc decision tougher by a whole bunch. DEP kinda appealed to me a lot and I just can't seem to come to a conlusion as to what I want. What rachel said today gave me another new perspective - oversea's education. Its not really something I thought or gave any consideration about, but as the year draws closer to its end, they inevitable has come. I don't know what I want in my life anymore. I don't know what goal or job I want to do. I have always been interested in social science, understanding the human nature. Yet in many ways I am always frightened by what I aspire. Doubt often clouds my judgement as I am always unable to decided what I really want for myself. I am just so confused. everone seems to have had their minds made up but yet here I am. Alone in my dilemna and unable to settle onto anything. I guess I should leave everything into god's will. I suppose what's best for me will be decided not by me but by his ministering.

2005-10-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

like thorns
they pierce,
my fragile
hide.

inside.
of my lies,
I reside.

2005-10-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
And ill come home and I miss your face so
Smiling down on me

I close my eyes to seeAnd I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
Your were as kind as you could be
And even though you're gone
You still mean the world to me

in loving memory.

anyways, so quickly has four years elapsed. Its really been such an eventful four years that I just cannot so be come to reality that I have graduated from secondary school. the feelin is almost surreal, almost like a dream. I guess time really flys by so fast without you noticing it. Well I'm at a loss for words today so i guess i'll stop here.

2005-09-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

Burning in your memory
Running from my lies
Seething in your anger
Fleeing from my tears

2005-09-23T21:27:00.000+08:00

fuck this life. just fuck it. who gives a damn about the prelims anymore. FUCK who gives a damn about the O levels. fuck that. I don't fucking give a damn about anything anymore. what the fuck is this life for anyway. better off dead anyway....

2005-09-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

Firefox is being an ass and I can't log into my blogger using it. Dotz

Anyways I've been really slack in almost all aspect of my life so I guess tommorrow had better change. If not, I don't think I'll be going anywhere!!!

2005-09-05T23:22:00.000+08:00

another term has gone by and its just 3 weeks to my 2 second prelims. I guess I'm not taking my life as serious as I should be. So many times I complain aboutn ot having enough time but really, I guess its more of me spending meaningless hours on the computer. ( like now o.0 :-P ) I guess I really got to start working hard. Its only two months to the actual Os.

on a lighter note, I spent the weekends rather eventfully. went to church on sunday and ate a nice hearty lunch at crystal jade ^^ went out to study today, not really productive for me in physic but I did get to brush up on my Add maths so all is well ^^

Its late and I guess i'll turn in now. goodnite and good luck to all who have not taken their prelims or are taking their exams ^^ good luck

2005-08-23T18:40:00.000+08:00

"Tears And Rain"

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Wow. this is such a powerful song that it really blows me away. Please do check it out. James Blunt is awesome

2005-08-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

Life throws you a secone chance sometimes. Yet sometimes we are too caught up with ourselves to recognize salvation. Sometimes God has gifted us a chance to be redeemed yet each time we sucummb to the inner demon of tempation.

Sometime I wonder how come I keep falling back to square one, maybe I need to rethink my life's goal

2005-08-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

You're beautiful
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

What can I say. James Blunt is really awesome. I'm so in love with this song. Maybe for some unknown reason.

2005-08-10T21:51:00.000+08:00

Someone falls to pieces
Sleepin all alone
Someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence
To finally drift away
Someone gets excited
In a chapel yard
Catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen
White roses on a grave

I guess this week has been a revalation and revolution to me. Things happened, people came and people went. I want to apologize to some people that I made angry because of my brooding mode. I also want to thank those that stood by my and helped me along especialyl cynthia. Thanks ^^ (btw you owe me my worksheet. hope u didnt lose it)
I guess this song my audioslave is really apt for me now. Be yourself, how apt a title to reflect the conflict that wages war within my consciouse. I guess that staying true to myself is what I should ultimately seek towards. Hopefully I can pull through..

Someone finds salvation in everyone
And another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love
Untill the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united?
Healthy or insane?

2005-08-08T23:22:00.000+08:00

to my annoynomous

if u have the balls, why don't you leave your name or did God deprieve you of yours? And personally I don't care whatever vendetta you have against me, but by insulting this blog you insult my fren, so SHUT THE FUCKIN HELL UP ABOUT IT. BECAUSE THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS TO INSULT MY FRENS. so please, you don't like me? go away than. who wants you here?

2005-08-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

existence of denial
searching in the exile

what a day, what a marvolous mess.

So much has happened in the past three days that I cannot fully come to comprehend or understand the magnitude of it. Its true shape is beyond my grasp. I feel trapped in a void of two personalities, unsure of what I am, unsure of what to do. I feel so deflated, so depressive and passive that I cannot tell the truth from the lies. I cannot make what is reality anymore. Can someone pull me out of my void and take me out of this exile. I am lost in my own vacuum, a place where I cannot see for myself. I don't know if what I think is what is meant, maybe it has always been that way. Whereby I am always assuming so many things and fabricating so many false presumptions out of my paranoia. I cannot fully understand the psyche for my behaviour, I cannot come to terms with my actions becasuse I have not found my existence. I am what I tell msyelf I am but deep down I don't know if that person I call myself exist. Or is deep down inside a a lost child, unsure of the truth and lost amidst the lies. Do I really know what I want, do I really know the full extent of my actions. Does what I say really reflect what I want inside. Yet the same questions begs itself again, what do I want. So many times I have sought to find out what my existence meant. I found a brief reprieve in God, but everything seems so distant now. Festival of praise was a much awakening experience, helping me get back onto track my christian life. Yet at the same time it made me lament the things that I have said and done. So much I have done that seems absured, alien and strange now. What do I want with my life. Is there really a Roy inside of me or is that boy a facade of many faces that he meets everyday. Why is it that he cannot exist as an indiviual but rather co-exist as a face of many lies. Why is it that I cannot allow myself to be just myself. Why is it that life always throws more obstacles at me before I complete another. Is this what life really is, a road full of pitholes, or is it something much simplier that I have read too far into. Is reality such a complicated matter, or am I just letting the fear inside of me eat away my consciouse and tear apart my confidence. Does the person I portray really bare the essence of me, or is it just another mask wore on another day. So many questions, so many lies, so many truths, so many answers. Yet none of them are what they seem in front of me.

Can I really find me inside my void.

the truth lies beneath the skin
yet harden is the hide
that the essence withing
cannot be unveiled

I don't know what I am anymore

can you find me inside my void.

2005-07-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

Today just sucked.

what else can i say.

oh ya. today sucked big time.
maybe tml will continue sucking as well...

2005-07-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

eyeliners are scaryy :P

drama nite offically concluded and its been such an experience. Working with tpss was a whole new enjoyable experience. Their play was about the terrorism and bullying in our lives and I really found it very very nice.

well i guess this chapter has ended and its time to move on. I am really going to miss this two nites. New frenships made and new grouncs ventured. I just sincerely hope that eveything about el drama grp will continue 2 grow and expand!

Civil war

2005-07-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

"What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Some men you just can't reach...
So, you get what we had here last week,
which is the way he wants it!
Well, he gets it!
N' I don't like it any more than you men." *

Look at your young men fighting
Look at your women crying
Look at your young men dying
The way they've always done before

Look at the hate we're breeding
Look at the fear we're feeding
Look at the lives we're leading
The way we've always done before

My hands are tied
The billions shift from side to side
And the wars go on with brainwashed pride
For the love of God and our human rights
And all these things are swept aside
By bloody hands time can't deny
And are washed away by your genocide
And history hides the lies of our civil wars

D'you wear a black armband
When they shot the man
Who said "Peace could last forever"
And in my first memories
They shot Kennedy
I went numb when I learned to see
So I never fell for Vietnam
We got the wall of D.C. to remind us all
That you can't trust freedom
When it's not in your hands
When everybody's fightin'
For their promised land

And
I don't need your civil war
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
I don't need your civil war

Look at the shoes your filling
Look at the blood we're spilling
Look at the world we're killing
The way we've always done before
Look in the doubt we've wallowed
Look at the leaders we've followed
Look at the lies we've swallowed
And I don't want to hear no more

My hands are tied
For all I've seen has changed my mind
But still the wars go on as the years go by
With no love of God or human rights
'Cause all these dreams are swept aside
By bloody hands of the hypnotized
Who carry the cross of homicide
And history bears the scars of our civil wars

"We practice selective annihilation of mayors
And government officials
For example to create a vacuum
Then we fill that vacuum
As popular war advances
Peace is closer" **

I don't need your civil war
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
And I don't need your civil war
I don't need your civil war
I don't need your civil war
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
I don't need your civil war
I don't need one more war

I don't need one more war
Whaz so civil 'bout war anyway

so stressed

2005-07-11T22:09:00.000+08:00

woah. two weeks gone and two weeks to my prelims,

got back my english prelim marks. or most of it
did okay but below expectation. as usual anyways :p haha

ya drama nite come up. must come support me kayz!

2005-06-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

tommorrow is the day of reckoning

my english prelim results will come out tomorrow.

I'm afraid

but I guess everything probably happened for a reason

2005-06-21T22:59:00.000+08:00

I'm at the edge
there is no turning back

Sometimes I wish I could reverse what I have done, what I have said, what I have seen.
Sometimes I dream too much.
Sometimes I just forget I exist...

2005-06-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

I entered the room
Sat by your bed all through the night
I watched your daily fight
I hardly knew
The pain was almost more than I could bear
And still I hear
Your last words to me.

Heaven is a place nearby
So I won't be so far away.
And if you try and look for me
Maybe you'll find me someday.
Heaven is a place nearby
So there's no need to say goodbye
I wanna ask you not to cry
I'll always be by your side.

You just faded away
You spread your wings you had flown
Away to something unknown
Wish I could bring you back.
You're always on my mind
About to tear myself apart.
You have your special place in my heart.

Always heaven is a place nearby
So I won't be so far away.
And if you try and look for me
Maybe you'll find me someday.
Heaven is a place nearby
So there's no need to say goodbye
I wanna ask you not to cry
I'll always be by your side.

And even when I go to sleep
I still can hear your voice
And those words
I never will forget

2005-06-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

two roads leading two seperate ways.
if only the middle path truly existed.

undecided

2005-06-07T15:11:00.000+08:00

Its only been two days of school and I already feel so lethargic and lazy oh man! but maybe thats because for the two days I have had english which I hate because well I hate the teacher ya. ^^ haha.. Don't worry, I'll get the A1 ( I hope )

wahaha played lan on monday, so fun, killing everyone. wahahaha.. I feel so sad. But I really need to get down to studying!! ahhh math mock exam on thurs. next mon is add math. oh man..I'm dead! wahahha.. shall go study now, played computer for 4 hours unknowningly... o.0

cause all of the stars
are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them someday
so take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out*

over fed

2005-06-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

Wahh nycd is really filling! haha. went out with amanda and reagan today. Amanda really knws where taka is :p haha she is so gonna kill me for tt haha. anyways went to suntec and stoned there for literally 4-5 hours? ya haha.. had nydc for dinner. finished my three amigo and ate the leftover of amanda's food. she almost puked!! ya gt me and reagen rather worried but at least she is okay now ^^ take care kayz!

A new skin

2005-06-01T18:12:00.000+08:00

A new month, a new phase and a new blog.

all this to cap off the start of what is to be the most intensive months to come ^^

this is just a testing post that sarah mok requested!

forced to pass it on =(

2005-05-31T17:13:00.000+08:00

Total volume of music files on my computer:
about 600+ non counting duplicates. :P

The last CD I bought was:
F.I.R

Song playing right now:
Love^3 F.I.R

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
1. Hands - Jewel
2. Everything - Lifehouse
3. who am I - casting crowns
4. Till I get over you - Michelle Branch
5. Ghost of you and me - BBmak

Five people to whom I am passing the baton:
1. Chloe Tan
2. Cynthia
3. Gilbert
4. Melissa
5. Amy

Another one!

Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
I have no idea really

The last film I bought:
I never buy films.

Last film I watched:
Star Wars Episode 3 : Revenge of the Sith

Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
I don't usually repeat films again :p but ah wells
1. Hide and Seek
2. Last Samurai
3. Constantine
4. Goodbye Firefly ( some jap anime)
5. Return of the King

Tag five people and have them put this in their journal:
1. Chloe Tan
2. Cynthia
3. Gilbert
4. Melissa
5. Amy

time fades

2005-05-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

Counting away the hours

Reminiscing the minutes

Ticking by the seconds

Drifting by the days

Seems like only yesterday that it was 30 days to O levels. Now its just hours away. Before I know it, it'll be july when my prelims start. In a blink of an eye it'll be novmeber where the O level proper. Time really flashes by really quickly. I gues that before I know it, I'll be working and all. I suppose that when I look back at this point in my life, certain decision i will regret and some I will relish. But I suppose that best thing to do right now is to wish Everyone taking Chinese O levels the best of luck and faith and wisdom

much ado for nothing

2005-05-23T20:16:00.000+08:00

Words are only painful when given meaning. guess things was never as bad as I thought it to be ^^

Star wars !!!

2005-05-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

wow. Spent so much in two days. I watched star wars episode 3 today and I must say that it was a really good movie. Got me really moved and all ^^ but now i'm broke the week. cafe cartel and secret recipe is killing my poor wallet.. sob sob .. haha

I had my english prelims today and I feel confident about the paper. I seriously hope that everything will go well.. I hope!

final strech

2005-05-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

Its just 12 days more to d-day. I had my second chance at testing myself during the mock exam today and I must say I was really tested. I wasn't able to fully comprehend the comprehension. Like what the hell? its damn frigging hard. first two questions were infrence for pete's sake! No copying questionn ahhhh gonna fail that. But I gotta thank God because he provided me with at least 8 marks already ^^. The 8 marks is significant cos i failed by 8 marks in my prelims. Yupp. I'm thankful. And i guess seeing that I aint doing that great, i gotta pull my socks up ( literally :P ankle socks rox! ) and start mugging intensive.. 3 hours of com a week onli.. no more 10 hours... -opps- haha. Lets all work hard for that A1 everyone! woohooo!!